A Leap of Faith Into Reality
by Joseph Haney
Summary: For the first time since they met, Fitz was faced with the potential reality of a world without Simmons-and he's having a hard time coping with the aftermath. Spoilers for "FZZT"


_She was just on the other side of the door. The antiserum worked. He just had to get it to her before she did something she wouldn't live to regret. Why wouldn't the door open? She's standing at the end of the cargo loading ramp, looking back at him. She's not saying anything, (not that he could hear her anyway) but her eyes are speaking volumes. Okay, mostly just_ "_I'm sorry"_, _but then she was gone, falling through the sky._

Leo Fitz jerked awake for the third night in a row. Ever since he'd watched Jemma Simmons, his partner and colleague throw herself out of the plane in a noble attempt to save the rest of the team. Sure, Agent Ward had saved her, delivering the antiserum just in time and catching her before she hit the ocean at speeds he preferred not to think about, but still, he had watched. He had seen the look in her eyes, had watched her fall…

Fitz sat up and flipped on his light. If the last few nights were any indication, he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep until right before sunrise. "You need to deal with this," he muttered. "This is clearly bothering you more than you'd let on." He got out of bed and started pacing around his bunk, like he had done the last three nights. After thirty minutes of that, he was no closer to finding an answer than he was when he started. "Oh, this is bloody ridiculous," he said as he flopped back onto his bed. "Simmons is fine, she's right down the hall…" And then it hit him. Simmons. She was always there to help him when he was stuck. She needed to talk through this with her.

But that presented a problem in and of itself. All of those other problems she had helped him with were scientific. This was personal, and deeply so, for both of them. Talking through this with her could change everything, even to the point where they might not be able to work together any more. "On the other hand so could my lack of sleep" he said. "It would seem I'm all out of options." Taking a deep breath, he slid out of bed, walked out of the bunk and headed down the hall toward Simmons' bunk, trying to figure out what he was going to say.

When he reached his colleague's bunk, he started knocking incessantly until she opened the door. "Fitz?" she said, dazed and blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light in the hallway. "What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Yeah, I do," Fitz said before lapsing into an awkward silence.

After a moment, Simmons let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm going back to bed, Fitz, but we're going to have a _serious_ talk about this tomorrow." She turned to enter her room.

"What you did was selfish," Fitz burst out as she was about to close the door.

Simmons turned. "Excuse me?"

"What you did the other day, jumping out of the plane. It was selfish."

"So, what, I was supposed to stay on the plane and rip it apart when I started shooting electromagnetic energy from by body? Then everyone would have died!"

"I know that," Fitz said with a sigh. "That's not the part I have a problem with."

"Then what is it, Fitz?" Simmons said, the annoyance clear in her voice. "What is it about that incident that you have a problem with? Because I think it was a pretty damned noble thing I did, and I would like to think you capable of doing the same in a similar situation."

"But I wouldn't have made you watch it!" Fitz said, a little louder than he meant to.

Simmons stopped. "What?" she asked, clearly confused.

"I wouldn't have made you watch me jump," he said. "Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? I can't sleep at night, because every time I close my eyes, I start replaying that moment in my head. Only I can't get the door open to get to the chutes or get the antiserum to Ward. I just..." his voice caught in his throat and he had to take a moment to find it again. "I just see you fall."

The engineer took a deep breath and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. "You're my partner, Jemma. And, more importantly, you're my friend. And seeing you in the cargo bay, seeing you fall…That could have been my last memory of you. And I couldn't live with that memory. I just couldn't. I know I couldn't, because I can barely live with it now, when I know you're alive and well and sleeping just down the hall. And it wasn't fair of you to put me in a position where I might have had to."

Simmons stepped into the hallway and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said. "I never thought of this having this kind of effect on you. You seemed okay when we talked afterward."

"I thought I was," Fitz said with a shrug. "But three sleepless nights have made me realize I'm not. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to find out what Fitz would do without Simmons."

Simmons gave him a small smile. "Well, I can't promise that you'll never have to find out," she said. "This job is full of risks, and there's no telling what's going to happen tomorrow. But I promise that the next time I decide to nobly throw myself from the plane to save the team, I'll hit you with something heavier than a fire extinguisher so you won't have to watch."

"I would appreciate that," Fitz said.

"On the other hand," Simmons said, "if I had hit you harder with that fire extinguisher, you wouldn't have noticed that the antiserum had worked, and then Ward wouldn't have been able to give it to me, and then you would have to find out what you would do without me."

Fitz considered this. "I suppose you're right," he said. "I guess this whole mess has made me realize that, after all of our years together, one of us might end up out living the other."

"That's always been a possibility," Simmons said.

"Sure, in the back of my mind. Like one of those things that you subconsciously know, but never think about. And now I'm thinking about it, and I don't like it."

"Well this is probably a good thing, then," Simmons said. "I mean, thinking about it will get you to accept the possibility, and then, if it ever happens, you'll be better equipped to handle it."

"I suppose," Fitz said with a sigh. "But life was easier when I didn't have to deal with this."

"It usually is," Simmons said. "But this will make you stronger. I promise."

Fitz nodded. "Well, I guess I should let you get back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you."

"No, it's fine. You clearly needed to get this off your chest, and I was the one you needed to vent to."

"Right. So, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Absolutely," Simmons said with a smile. She turned and walked back toward her room. She opened the door, then turned back "Oh, and Fitz?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for caring," she said with a smile.

Fitz smiled back. "Anytime, partner," he said. He then watched as she went back into her bunk and closed the door. After a moment, he turned and did the same.


End file.
